raisedinkpress

The Monarchy died with Queen Elizabeth- a poem written about two good people in the throws of heart changes. Dedicated to My dear friend ‘ Loneliness ‘

…

Leaving was the only way to discover what was you, and what was me,

it’s hard, but we must look at ourselves individually.

So where does love go?
The feeling, as it shifts.
Smoke swirling closer, then away…

but always in the air. You’re there…

Linger… please stay.

He wanted to tell her.
So badly, he wanted her to hear him.
But while he was talking, she bit her tongue.

She feared him.
“You’re not listening” he said.
“You don’t hear me” she replied.
“I care for you deeply. But this truth I cannot hide.
You scare me with your actions.
And demand of me to stay.
You ask of me riddled question and still you don’t hear me when I say…
My home is my only refuge, then your presence, sudden, unannounced,

Upset the peaceful vibe in my precious children’s house.
It worries me truly deeply as I work through my shit too.
But to turn up at my doorstep.
Is something you can not do.
The more you push me. The further I slide.
Away from whatever we had.

What we had has ultimately died.
This thing we called a home. To myself i lied and lied.

Our home is burning to the ground.
I promise I never lied to you. I never made a sound.

Spent much time thinking alone, about the warning signs. I recognise these things in me, these are hard to find.

I think I’ve always known.
And I care that you’re hurting, and I hurt sort of the same.
But I love me more than I love you, love having me there to blame.

There is no fault or reason, only consequence, action, and reaction.
We tried this thing.
You know we did. But
Please hear me when I say,
I loved you. I did, but now fear that a fear of you fills up most my days…
Which breaks my heart a little more. When really what I need is time..

Please understand
we’re not the monsters we were when we loved before.
Yet every push and every button, every grab, grip and unrequited word, feels alot like war.
It led me to wonder, time and again- if I was ever really heard?
I am gentle, kind and honest. You can take me at my word.
This you know of me.

This you know is true.
I’d never act to hurt you, and I hope you can believe I’m true.
But there was much mistrust between us, long before my heart did leave.
Which leads me to wonder again,
if what we had was strong or weak.
For true love, true strength in two, lies in the bonds that we cherish and keep.

Love binds us bound. Around and around…

And tightening the grip on a daydream

will not win you the moon.

If you push me too soon, you just push me away,
And lose dignity and respect again and again, in the same predictable way.

I need you to be patent and trust I’ll come around to speaking.
As I circle in the safety of the sky,
it’s listening that I am seeking.
Keep your ear to the earth and hear her song.
Nobody’s right. Nobody’s wrong.  Life is what it is, and life is long.
What led us here, can not lead us back.

Attack Attack Attack.
If you care, or want, or love me, then you’ll have my back. Can you see, at this point, we’re on different tracks, and you must let me be… can you see…

You know me to a fault and all my weakness too.
And I know yours. Were equal. This we know as true.
But I can’t communicate with you when you act in scary ways.
Rocking up to my home, my heart, my head.

Stalking laps in your car,
standing over my precious friends,

actions completely violent, even if they dont leave a scar.
Seeds of doubt and anxiety and fear, which always grow into hate.
If you love me, then you know me, and you know I have a lot on my plate.
If you love me, you must be strong
and you must not open my gate.
You must show me you’re a good man.
A gentle man. At that. Walk away, leave it be. Let me be free.
Don’t be a lout.

You know any angry asshole can punch and kick and shout.
What I need is you to hear me.

Please hear me when I say I am learning new ways of growing, and creating love in new and healthy ways.
I need you to show me you care by leaving me alone.

Is that clear?

My heart and my home.
Do not fret. There is no regret. Let’s salvage what we had, for everything eventually ends.

If we can sort this shit out

then one day I know we will truly be soul friends.

——-

Footnote: written for the men who can’t stop, and the women who have to wear all of men’s bullshit.

Consent is essential. No means no. Go means go. It don’t matter how much it hurts. You gotta move on. You gotta trust the universe….