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What makes you feel nostalgic?

I think the knowing hurts more.
The sand falling grain by grain.
Into eternity.
And then it’s over.
Just like that.
Dead.
Gone

Love is often a lie. How the heart does cry.

It’s hard not to say what I’m thinking when I’m thinking of you.

And its like deer’s and headlights and long nights ahead.

And I hope you see how beautiful you are.

If only you could see what we see in you, all these people that love you.
Deeply.
It’s true.
Now that I’ve stepped back.
I can see the truth in you.
You are a mystery carved in granite.

love you still.
Silent and still. Loving you against my will.

I know and I will.
Against my will adore you still.
And
I’d love to know where I stand.
All this that i feel I never planned
I’m sorry. I hope you understand

Every morning.
You’re on my mind.
To dream on anyone else is to find  that I’d cheat my chance to know you closer
Stealing the potential for us in some other future.

We were lost in choice, cause, consequence and effect.

I wonder how you feel with this stuff.
I believe we will make it back to each other. But I have my doubts.

I throw love at the wall hoping it sticks
Watch as it slides off in a smear.
I don’t know what’s clear

Thinkin of you.

I feel your essence in my spirit.

There is something about you that settles in my soul.

Dreams of you glisten like sunbeams through a rainforest canopy.

You ignite magic in me.

I thought my capacity to love was gone, but I was wrong. 

I feel safe to hope again.
I feel safe to give away the special bits of myself.

To you.

You are water, seeping into all the cracks in this old rock.

There is something amazingly special about you making me smile like novelty socks.

I’ve met many souls.
There are very few like you.

I wandered right back through our text message thread.
The timeline of our love, late at night in bed.

Maybe if you’re up to it, you could go back too. Find the start and read them thru.
Maybe help me understand this cul-de-sac we’ve ended up in.

Where do we turn.

Could you read and reflect and help me step foward.
Release me, keep me, show me where I stand.
For I feel so very lost.
I miss holding your hand.

I feel like an echo, or moreso like I’m drowning in quick sand.

What happened to us.
There was so much passion and hope and somehow it slipped away so abruptly.

It’s eating me.

Please help me understand.
Please help me understand.
Stand under you.
Stand in your hand.

I feel nauseous at the thought of kissing another’s lips.
My loyalty is bound.
I know why this is.

I am a hound.

I haven’t given up on us… yet.
Regret.
Tell me to give up if you want me to give up.
Pls tell me to.
I can wait if you’d like me to wait for you.
Can i wait?
As long as it takes.
If our orbits return,
i can hold space.

If not,
please set me free.
I love you still, I can’t deny it.
I hate that I do. It’s messed me up.
Maybe we shouldn’t have tried it.
We’re just messed up kids.
Who knows what to do.

When it is done, its done and buried with the rest. If so I wish you the best.

I can let it go.
But only if and when you tell me so.

By Andrew Spencer (c) 2024

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